Home > Absurdities > Somewhere, someone thinks these are good ideas

Somewhere, someone thinks these are good ideas

Every week I’m inundated with various offers for credit cards and, occasionally, loans of one type or another. In large part, they are semi-reasonable in nature. You know the kind: zero percent interest for X months, then some decent percent rate after that (variable, of course, which should cause most normal folks to think of Shakespeare and the proverbial rub) Occasionally, though, I get offers of credit that are not only bad, they are obscene. They are so awful, I feel sorry for anyone so naive about financial matters as to be unable to distinguish these horrible abuses of credit from those that are sensible if used properly.

Rather than describe in words these ridiculous attempts at stealing  taking my money, I think visual aids are called for.

First, for those desiring a cash advance, simply try the obvious and  hope they won’t notice the (loan shark) interest rate:

IMG 0883

See that? Only 23.99% interest. Awesome. Not that bad, right? Well, depending on  your balance, if you pay the minimum payment it could take anywhere from a year to three decades to pay off your credit card. Sweet.

Second, make me feel special:

SCAN0085

Check it out. A platinum card from First PREMIER Bank. It must be really good. And I only have to pay $25 dollars to apply (which I can pay off over time, of course). But first, let me put my brain in neutral so I don’t remember how hard I’ve worked to get my credit score into the mid-eight hundreds. I guess these days all that will get you is a whopping $700 credit line for only $175 per year (leaving you start out with all of $525 available credit). Amazing. I can’t wait to have this card in my wallet.

Finally, attempt to make me feel like a member of America’s elite:

The "Elite" Card

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apparently, use of words such as “exclusive”, “prestigious”, “limited”, and “luxury” on a Visa card that is black is supposed to make me feel as if I should be embarrassed to even question the legitimacy of charging the (ridiculous) sum of $495 dollars (per year!) for the sole purpose of slipping one of these bad boys into my wallet. It must be worth it, though. because like it says, “The world awaits.”

Uh, yeah …

–dp

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Categories: Absurdities
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